Speaking Up For Your True Needs

Angela Logsdon, RN, Health Coach
Dec 2, 2016
3 min read

Somewhere along the path of life, I foolishly thought that my needs didn't matter and that I would be more "zen-like" if I didn't have any needs because I thought that was the concept of spirituality. Let me tell you, I was wrong! Perhaps I was punishing myself in some way by believing this was true. I studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs in school and I was well aware of this concept but didn't apply it to my life. I had to learn one big lesson...I had to be honest and know that I deserved to get all of my true needs met.

Also, I had to be clear about distinguishing two types of needs:

1) True needs (physical, emotional, mental, soulful, spiritual)

2) Materialistic/Egotistic needs (goods, experiences, lifestyle, relationships that make us feel better for a short time but do not fulfill our true needs)

What are your true needs?

Bring awareness to this question everyday. Notice how your needs change a little - its ok - we change everyday too! We develop new blood, cells, experiences, and emotions on a regular basis as we shed what we don't need. Just the same, we acquire new needs as we discard old ones.

You deserve to have your true needs and desires met!

How do you know if a need is a true need?

You can feel the desires of the heart and soul as they open up possibilities and expansion in your life. If these needs are met, they help you to evolve and to be in the present moment. You feel love, peace, freedom, truth, and wholeness within.

How can you speak up for your true needs?

I recently took a Non-Violent Communication workshop with Mikhail Lyubansky and it clarified a lot for me! His work is all about conflict and communication. Great for groups, families, and relationships and I highly recommend checking NVC out. Some of the main things that I learned from this worksop was that conflict comes from not feeling heard. We all want to be heard! Also, this technique focuses on the feelings and needs of the individual or the group first before finding the solution. It's a spiritual practice as well as it helps you focus inward to create connection with your feelings and needs while connecting with others. You can read more about this process and his work here.

Points to remember about conflict:

It’s all about not feeling heard.

What is the need at hand?

What is the symbolic meaning behind the conflict?

Focus inward.

How can we communicate this to others? Try this:

I feel ____ because______ is important to me.

When I notice____ I feel _____ and I need____.

Think about it:

What is the other person’s needs and feelings?

Reflect back what you hear and what is underneath what you hear.

Meet each other at a feelings level before moving to needs then, lastly, strategize how to resolve the conflict.

Tip:

You can’t ask someone to fulfill all of your needs or to give something that they are not capable of giving. Nobody can be everything to you. This is why we have friends, family, community, and professionals to support us as well. :)

Journal Reflection:

How do you see things happening in your life right now?

How do you want to see things happening in your life right now?

How do you know when your needs are met?

How do you know when they are not met?

Having trouble finding out what your feelings and needs are???

Below is a shortened list from the Non-Violent Communication website to help you get in touch with your true needs and feelings.

Feelings Inventory:

FATIGUE beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out